Are we raising Safe kids or Scared Kids?

After the recent incident at an upmarket Bangalore school where a 6 year old kid was physically assaulted, it has in some way or other impacted every household esp with a kid. Both the parents and the kids have been once again become oversensitive about the bone chilling and in human incident.

What do you first do when you read something like this in the newspapers? what is your first reaction when you have a kid at home the same age? How do you protect your kid at a place where they think there are no strangers, everyone is either a friend or a teacher? When we tell our kids its your school are we wrong, is it only the management’s school and not the parents or the kids school? What kind of person would do such a heinous thing to an innocent child, what kind of upbringing these monsters have, do they have a family or a mother? What happens to the girl during the criminal procedure and how to parents of the victim cope up? Do the parents of other kids at the same school ever be able to trust the management again or should the school be just plain and simple shut down? There are so many questions, that haunt you over the days and months to come.

Whenever something like this happens you tend to become over protective about your child and try to strictly reinforce all the rules and reiterate the ways for you child to tell right from wrong. I made sure that I find the latest videos for teaching “Good Touch Bad Touch” and make my kid see it every once in a while. I try to find out what are the classes that my kid can go and attend to safeguard herself. I try to keep my eyes open wherever my kid is going and practically stalk her everywhere. Everyday the first question I ask her when she is back from school is “What did you do in school today”. This question initially was meant to know what she learnt in school but now my prime concern is was she safe? I hope she didn’t have any bad experience in school. My God, I am so scared.

If our adult mind can be so scared what does a child go through if we keep iterating that there are bad people out there and you have to be careful. You should not talk to any strangers, they may harm you. If you are not feeling safe or someone tries to touch you in a wrong way you have to Run and Shout. What would be the impact of this is on a tender mind? Now my kid is so scared she would not go alone to the park or would not go to a next door friend’s house alone. Is this the society we want, the society of Scared ot the society of Bold and Confident.

I know I have to tell her Safety Measures once in a while, but I am so scared that I tell her everyday. No matter how I tell her or how strong I make her. She is only a small child. While we should be making effort to make our society safe and the school laws and background checking more strict, we are making our kids more Scared. Is this what we want from our Schools?

Not so Nice Lice Story

The following has been based on a True story. Some details have been changed to protect the innocent –

One upon a time there lived a King and Queen with their beautiful Princess. They were living a very happy life, but the fate had something else in mind for them. One day when the Princess was playing with her friends, a wicked Lice jumped from nowhere and landed on the Princess hair. The Princess came to the palace to complain of her discomfort to the Queen, she was a little itchy and scratchy.

The Queen could not believe her eyes, her world collapsed, she could not breathe, what she had seen was completely out of lines for a Royal Princess. The Queen was very angry, she cursed the day she had sent the Princess to play with her unhygienic friends (so she thought). The Queen didn’t know what to do, so the Queen escalated the matter to the King. The King had a good laugh about it and the best he could come up with was “It happens”.

Is it True, Does it really happen? Now the Queen was one of “them”, one of those parents who didn’t care and neglected personal hygiene. And to make the matter worse, the King said “It happens”.

So the Queen called the witch to help her out. The witch suggested, for the peace and happiness of land and its innocent subjects, the Princess should cut her hair or else would be sent to a far away Land.

The Princess had long, beautiful hair and did not want to cut them. The Princess cried and cried and couldn’t understand what she had done wrong. But the Queen was very unhappy and embarrassed. The King held the Queen’s hands, trying to calm her down. He tried to talk the Queen out of sending away the Princess, he wanted to help in every possible way. But he didn’t know how.

So the Kings men drove the Princess to a faraway Tower with the witch. The Princess was sad and helpless. One day a Prince drove to that faraway land and saw the sad Princess standing near the window. The Prince wanted to make an acquaintance with her and asked her to drop her hair, so that he could climb up. Princess was very happy, she dropped her hair down, as soon as the Prince was about to touch her hair, the Lice winked at him. The Prince shocked, shouted out LICE!! LICE!! Help!! He laid there unconscious.

That day the Princess understood that she had to cut her hair and let the witch do her work. The War was on. It took one whole month for the witch to clear up those tiny ugly blood sucking vampires out of the Princess head.

Now her hair were short, tidy and very neatly combed back with a Tiara adding to its beauty. She was a Princess again and returned to the Palace to reunite with her Parents. After it was all over, even a very long time after that, they could have a good laugh about it. But they had to keep their fingers crossed at all the time, as there could be "Revenge of the Lice", or "The Lice Returns", "Lice Reloaded". 

The Princess

You told me to Hit Back

Initially when my daughter used to come home crying saying some kids in school had hit her or pushed her, it used to break my heart. So every time she cried I told her, “Be brave and stand up for yourself. If you keep crying, other kids will have more fun and they will want to hit and tease you more.” I think I might have told her to hit back, ok yeah I teach my kids Violence. But I am only trying to teach her how to fend for herself.

That worked and she didn't come home crying and complaining from school, atleast most of the times. But (of course there is a but, there is no Happily Everafter), she also has a little brother. She is now applying her success mantra at home too.

“Brothers and sisters are as close as hands and feet”, this quote has a new meaning for us now. In our home it means they are inseparable and are always at a distance where they can hit each other. I constantly feel that I live in a boxing ring and am the Referee of an endless match, only difference being that I don’t signal the start of a fight and count when one of them is down.

My Life THEN

Big Sis – Mom lil bro pushed me and took my toy away.

Mom – Don’t keep complaining. Lil bro give her toy back, there are so many toys, can you play with something else.

Lil Bro – Keeps throwing the toy till it breaks.

No one gets it, since it broke. Lil bro gets a good one since he broke the toy. Big sis very happy because she managed to score one.

My Life NOW

Lil Bro – Cries like he is testing his lungs (or my sanity)

Mom – What happened there Big Sis, why is the lil bro crying?

Big Sis – He took my toy away and pushed me. So I pushed him harder.

Mom  - Why didn't you come and tell me. Why did you have to push your own little brother. Look how badly he is crying, did you hit him too? Lil bro quiet now and has a finger pointing towards her sister.

Big Sis – You told me to hit when someone hits you. He hit me once and gave him back two. She had the sparkle in her eyes like a victorious warrior waiting for the chief to acknowledge and praise her.

Now what do I do. I am still evolving and learning as a mother. There should atleast be a certification test (if not a course) before you can apply for motherhood. You should know all the answers and should have done all the case studies beforehand. Nobody prepares you for such a 24/7 – overwhelming – always cleaning but ever dirty – diaper changing – feeding and cooking – night waking – keeping calm on the exterior phase (I could go on with this). Nobody tells you the real TRUTH.

Feel much better venting it out. So where were we, yeah, what do I do now? I think I need to teach her the difference between a healthy squabbling and bullying. This would be a good lesson for her social skills aka Emotional Quotient. I’ll tell you how it goes in another post. Wish me Luck!!

My little One asks more questions than my Mom

With a sibling coming in its a very Fascinating and emotionally challenging phase for the elder one. I have a 4.5 year old and the younger one came in when she was 2.5 years old. So basically I have been answering questions related to pregnancy for the last 2 years, and thought maybe it will end now. But I am always wrong and the questions only tend to become more complicated and demands more detailed explanations.

I read a few articles in the Parenting Guides somewhere on the Internet and it suggested that I should “Prepare” the older kid to bring in a new member in the family. I thought maybe that will be a good start for a healthy relationship and think of him as her own little friend. I was once again wrong.

I had opened a Pandora’s box.

When did God send the babies inside your tummy?

“After I got married” (hehe that’s want I want to teach her by setting a good example. Only after marriage)

How many babies did He gave you?

“Two”

There must be a time when both of us were inside of you at the same time?

Yes

What did we do inside together?

Your eyes were closed and you were sleeping.

So our eyes open only when we come out?

Yes

Who brings us out?

Doctor at the hospital

Why do you have to go to hospital?

Because doctors are at the hospital

Then why was Jesus born in a stable?

(They were told the Christmas story at school, so more questions to answer. Huff). Because there were no hospitals back then. (I wanted to keep it simple)

How did the doctor cut your tummy- Sleeping line or a circle?

It was a sleeping line.

So when he had cut your tummy to bring me out doctor didn’t notice Jas (lil brother) inside?

(I know I handled the first question incorrectly, Wrong again, I should have said God sent the little brother in my tummy only after you were born. But) No, he was too small to bring out that time.

Then how did he cut your chest to fit in the milk feeding bottles – Sleeping line or circles?

Oh no, I didn’t think the previous question was only to prep me up for this big question. I didn’t want to disappoint her by not giving her an answer and didn’t even want to answer the question just to open another topic of discussion which she was not ready to handle yet. Thank god for a telephone call that interrupted our discussion that day, Saved by the bell. The question though still haunts me and I want to be prepared with an answer. Any help?

So I thought that was the end of questionnaire, we had over the past couple of months on and off. But then they were taught in school about the Lifecycle of a Hen. How Hens lay eggs and mature in 3 weeks to become a chick. So the next couple of days spent comparing her and Hen’s lifecycle.

Was I born as a baby or egg?

A small baby. You didn’t know how to talk and walk.

How long does a small baby take to mature?

It takes a lot longer, till you finish school. I wanted to say college but then I stopped at school. I am not as ambitious a mom as you might think.

If you eat less now, will there be space for more kids?

I don’t think so, kids live in a different part of the tummy. (Didn’t want to bomb her with a big word like uterus. Wish the world was as simple as their worlds, just one tummy).

I am hoping this is the end of the Pregnancy related questions. As much as I wanted to hurry up and get over with it, these Curious Little Minds have their own way. I think these rounds of discussion have atleast satisfied her for now and she can move now on to a different level. (Read as Let me live in Peace and bug her father with questions about the new Game on his Android Phone).

                             Love each others company and miss when one of them is at school