You told me to Hit Back

Initially when my daughter used to come home crying saying some kids in school had hit her or pushed her, it used to break my heart. So every time she cried I told her, “Be brave and stand up for yourself. If you keep crying, other kids will have more fun and they will want to hit and tease you more.” I think I might have told her to hit back, ok yeah I teach my kids Violence. But I am only trying to teach her how to fend for herself.

That worked and she didn't come home crying and complaining from school, atleast most of the times. But (of course there is a but, there is no Happily Everafter), she also has a little brother. She is now applying her success mantra at home too.

“Brothers and sisters are as close as hands and feet”, this quote has a new meaning for us now. In our home it means they are inseparable and are always at a distance where they can hit each other. I constantly feel that I live in a boxing ring and am the Referee of an endless match, only difference being that I don’t signal the start of a fight and count when one of them is down.

My Life THEN

Big Sis – Mom lil bro pushed me and took my toy away.

Mom – Don’t keep complaining. Lil bro give her toy back, there are so many toys, can you play with something else.

Lil Bro – Keeps throwing the toy till it breaks.

No one gets it, since it broke. Lil bro gets a good one since he broke the toy. Big sis very happy because she managed to score one.

My Life NOW

Lil Bro – Cries like he is testing his lungs (or my sanity)

Mom – What happened there Big Sis, why is the lil bro crying?

Big Sis – He took my toy away and pushed me. So I pushed him harder.

Mom  - Why didn't you come and tell me. Why did you have to push your own little brother. Look how badly he is crying, did you hit him too? Lil bro quiet now and has a finger pointing towards her sister.

Big Sis – You told me to hit when someone hits you. He hit me once and gave him back two. She had the sparkle in her eyes like a victorious warrior waiting for the chief to acknowledge and praise her.

Now what do I do. I am still evolving and learning as a mother. There should atleast be a certification test (if not a course) before you can apply for motherhood. You should know all the answers and should have done all the case studies beforehand. Nobody prepares you for such a 24/7 – overwhelming – always cleaning but ever dirty – diaper changing – feeding and cooking – night waking – keeping calm on the exterior phase (I could go on with this). Nobody tells you the real TRUTH.

Feel much better venting it out. So where were we, yeah, what do I do now? I think I need to teach her the difference between a healthy squabbling and bullying. This would be a good lesson for her social skills aka Emotional Quotient. I’ll tell you how it goes in another post. Wish me Luck!!