Wednesday, 22 April 2015

Jobs I am overqualified for, but can’t make a career out of

 Did you miss me all this time I was away? Ok, don’t answer that. Did you wonder what I have been upto neglecting my poor baby blog? I know you did, maybe a little.

I was not sleeping when I was away. No, I didn’t watch (too much) TV either. I wasn’t holidaying for long either, because you never actually do, with kids. I was not talking or texting on phone, all the time. I have even got rid of my facebook and tea addiction.

Crazy Kids!

I started job hunting. You know how tough that is when you have had “no job” (as people refer to, when you are a stay at home mom) for the last 4 years. I have been very busy.

I was trying to evaluate my skills to find myself a better career. I can’t go to my last corporate job, because they know I am a fraud at writing software and supporting (others shit). I know I have to raise the kids I have given birth to (no choice).  But now that the Oreo will be away to playschool and Brownie would not return till 4pm, I will have lots of time at hand.

I should rather say, there was a higher calling from somewhere. Somewhere, I know, but where I am still trying to find out. So I got down and started writing down the skills I have.

Let me take you straight to where I am right now, after serving 3 month notice period from my home job and sorting out some domestic chaos.

Here is a list of the jobs I think I can apply to-

  1. Dog Walker/ Trainer– I have been seriously contemplating this job position because I have what it takes -
    1. I walk my kids everyday.
    2. I have the necessary skills to take them to park, on leash, without growling at strangers.
    3. I can train them from scratch, Sit-Tommy-Sit to Go-Fetch.
    4. I can scoop poop, anytime, anywhere, any amount, any kind.
  2. Story Writer – Every morning from getting them out of the bed to putting them back to sleep, I am telling them a story.
    1. I can write any genre, horror, fiction, non-fiction, humor, moral stories, epics, you name it.
    2. Give me a title, and I can write a story around it with the neighborhood evil Munna and good kid (my offspring) in it.
    3. I can write short and long stories, depending on the requirement. If they are getting late for school, I tell short story. And when I have to distract them while Dad has just returned from office and needs space, I can pull a complete novel. I can send you samples if you know of any opening.
  3. Personal Shopper – I can help shopping and be your very own personal shopper.
    1. Any age, any size, any sex. I have more than 30 years experience.
    2. I will even try it on for you, and walk the ramp
    3. Online, offline, credit card, no credit card, sale, no sale. I am very versatile and flexible.
  4. Butler/ Cook – I don’t want to boast my own skills, but I don’t have a choice if I want to get a job.
    1. I manage to cook on short notice.
    2. Bai or Bye - I survive
    3. I have learnt a lot from my guests as to how I should keep clean and maintain the house better.
    4. Like a good butler, I can be invisible sometimes yet available all the time (I practice this with Oreo and Brownie regularly)
    5. I can plan budget really well. I always manage to save enough for my hair and nail spa.
  5. Counselor – Believe me, I can do this. Infact my friends tell me, I am really good at it.
    1. Family Counseling – I have watched a lot of soap opera and I can counsel without reacting on a scene three times, unlike Ekta Kapoor’s shows. My family has never failed to give me a new learning experience every day.
    2. Addiction therapy – I have been there, done that. The first step to clean up, is to accept the addiction, just like I did. Now I spend less than an hour on facebook and drink only 3 cups of tea. I wish to inspire others from my success story.
  6.  Critique Writer– I know I have a skill.
    1. Movie Critique - I can predict a movie’s future by just watching the trailer. Isn’t that something? The role description says, you have to critique without spilling the story. That might be a problem, but I know my passion will stand out.
    2. Stylist/ Spa Critique – I have had some really bad experiences in the past and I want people to avoid them. I want to help others. (I will be chosen Miss India, if I continue saying that)
    3. Resume/ Career Critique – I know what doesn’t work from my experience. So I can definitely guide you if you have something similar, so that you don’t repeat the mistake I did.
  7. Private Detective – I am getting better at this by the day. Thanks to my kids and husband equally, for honing my skills. My training sessions starts in the morning with “Where are my socks?”  and ends at night when I hear a whisper “Don’t tell mom!”

What do you think?