My Travel Diary is a little Different

Exactly !! Should have taken a picture

I bumped my car again. Don’t worry I’m fine, hence the post. New Year, New Accidents, New Stories. In the last 4 years of my driving in the crazy Bangalore traffic, touch wood I have had no major hit and run case.

It was not entirely my fault this time though and FYI no one was hurt. Around 11am, I was returning home from my swimming lessons and I was just a turn away from home then. So that makes you very confident in known territory and also hurry up because you tend to suddenly remember the load of unwashed dishes lying all over the kitchen waiting for you. You know how one looks after a swim, nasty hair that look just like they have been electrocuted, tanning so bad that anyone can tell how your swim goggles are as they are imprinted deep into your skin. And body smelling like dead fish.

So there I was, waiting to take just the last turn for past 10 min. Can you believe so much traffic at that time of hour, is everyone jobless or they are all working the 11am shift? Oreo comes back from school at 11:45am and before that the love of my life, my bai is supposed to come. I need to get the chores finished, ok atleast my part of the chores finished by then. I was in a genuine hurry and cant afford to waste so much time. I decided to reverse a little, on the main road yes, and take left turn along the ramp that goes up to a restaurant.

What I didn’t realize, atleast that time, was that there is a step ahead, and not an inclined road. So as soon as I turned, the front wheels landed with a thud and the mud guard was making screeching sound as it was being torn apart and the back was in a different longitude and latitude. I stopped before the back wheel mud guard also came out. Oh God, it looked bad and there was no way I could get it out on my own.  While I was analyzing the damage done, the driver who was right across the street came out smiling and saying, I was waving at you to stop, but you just ignored. Now how was I suppose to understand the signal, I thought he was asking to pass before me, so ofcouse I increased my speed.

The driver, asked the madam sitting behind if he could offer help and if she could wait for 2 min. The madam sitting behind, looked at her watch, faked a smile towards me, and said drop me to office and you can help on your way back. Just as I expected. The driver said, I should call the towing company or the on-road assistance. Like I have the number on the back of my hand or understand how the stuff works. I have a husband to do such work.

So while I called Mr Husband, some 10-12 people gathered around the car. I don’t know if they were wondering if I was driving a stolen car from my rag look or were genuinely worried about my car and wanted to help. I surely didn’t look like a damsel in distress, so I doubted that anyone wanted to help.

Mr Husband said it would take him atleast 20 min to reach, so I should try taking the help of someone around. You see we have been married for more than a decade now, so situations like these are just a way to get back at each other.

A guy, passing by, in car, said try lifting the front wheels using a Jack. Well how am I supposed to know who Mr Jack is and where it is. But a guy from a neighborhood restaurant, whose entrance my car was blocking, offered to take out the jack and try lifting it. A couple of his staff and people on road, lifted the front wheels using the jack. I was too nervous to go back behind the wheels, so a scooter guy, who looked like his mom had just combed his hair, said he can. I was ok with whatever help I could get.

But the jack couldn’t hold on to the wheels as they tried to race and lift the whole body. So the idea was rejected by another fellow passerby, who later asked “How did you managed to get the car in this condition”. I tried not to beat him up by just saying “Good question.”

Meanwhile a group of people tried to lift the front of the car by hand, but it was badly stuck and was getting more scratched in the process. So that didn’t work out.

The manager of the same restaurant just drove in a mini truck, the ones they carry poultry hens and eggs in, had a better idea. He called all his staff and a few people around to lift the back of the car and move it out of the step without. It was easier because the car was on a slope and the guy behind the wheels was turning it in the opposite side.

And the car was out. I couldn’t be more thankful. The whole process took around 20-25 min, so just in time to pick up Oreo. I didn’t need Mr Husband, who I guess must have been helping some old lady cross the road or playing CandyCrush after stopping on side road. Now I wouldn’t have to do make the bed tea for him as a payback.

There was a lesson I learnt from the whole experience. People are more helpful than you think or they show in Bollywood movies. Not everyone has a meinu-ki-fark-penda-hai attitude. And the number of Road side assistance is available on a sticker right in the windscreen. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!

After Nightie ban, next ban on Superheroes wearing briefs outside pants

Another Faking News - Posted on http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/12/20/after-nightie-ban-next-ban-on-superheroes-wearing-briefs-outside-pants/

To be banned

 After a recent ban on the Nighties by a group in Mumbai, the next target is the Superheroes in underwears. The group has imposed a ban on innappopriate dressing by the Superheroes and even levied a fine on alleged offender heroes This recent ban has created a panic among the league of heroes and were seen purchasing new costumes and giving measurements at the tailoring shops.

When asked by Faking News team asked Superman “If he was considering wearing his red underwear under the Costume”, he said, “This kind of nuisance never happened on my planet. I have called my Dad and told him that I want to return to planet Krypton. But until then I will have to follow the dress code and what better opportunity to use the Great Online Shopping Festival.”

Spiderman when contacted said “With great Power comes great Responsibility. And it is my responsibly to make sure that I dress appropriately in public places before saving people. I have made a couple of costumes for myself in the past and I think if someone has strong opinions about how I dress up, I can easily sew a new one with my powers.”

While Batman was strongly against the whole incident and condemned the ban saying “My Black underwear on grey uniform is associated with my image as a Superhero and I can’t change who I am. I lost my parents early on life and got used to wearing it other way and now suddenly you question my identity. I am not going to adhere to these self claimed fashion police and speed away in my batmobile. BTW they are trunks and not underwear with a lot of history.”

The Catwoman was however unavailable to comment on the whole incident and others were busy saving the world.

http://www.thehindu.com/news/national/nighty-ban-goes-after-a-mighty-dressing-down/article6683447.ece

I would let you in on a SECRET....

...... if you promise not to tell my Kids when they grow up. Want to know how I taught my kids to eat on their own. Right before serving them food, I apply a face mask. You know like the stinky-eww-green-yellow ones, ripe papaya,  avocado, tomato pulp anything would do. Esp the ones that keep dripping. So when you arrive in style, they will not want to eat from you, because you look creepy and smell like poop. It is an instant hit, and works like magic every time. 

It is a win-win situation for you and for them. They are learning to be independent, confident beings, knowing exactly what is going in their mouths, hand-eye coordination, so much. And for you, you might have always read the miracles of homemade face packs and wondered one day when my kids grew up and I will be free, that one day I will have a day routine and night routine for my body and face. This is the time to take out that near expiration date face mask and apply it. And enjoy.

Everyday, at dinner time, Mr Husband has some emergency in office or a conference call or an unattended friends or a client call or call that he has to immediately cater to. So he has a narrow escape from feeding the kids and thereby from sitting on the dinning table for hours telling made up stories, nutritional value of each item in the meal, scanning through all the forwards on WhatsApp, Calling your Mom, Pretending not to read the headlines in the newspaper sitting next to you, and going through the to do list for next day in your mind and zillion other tasks.

It is a herculean task to feed the two of them three meals a day. They are efficient enough to eat spicy junk and snacks on their own, but when it comes to having a civilized healthy meal, they terribly fail. By the time there are last few bites left in the plate, I feel like eating it myself and finishing it off. It is test of my patience and motherhood everyday every meal. It sometimes gets really difficult choosing between myself, my time and kids and feeding them. But once I finish feeding these monsters, I feel so relieved at the thought that I am a free bird for the next 3 hours.

The first time I applied a face mask after ages, was for de-tanning from a shade somewhere between well done and charcoal. So before the mask dried, I had time to kill, and what better way to kill than to feed your loving child. So after calling the kids 36^th time to come and eat at the dinning table, when they finally came, they were both yelling. Brownie because she thought I looked like Jim Carrey from Mask and was going to perform the Rumba dance on Cuban Pete. And the younger one was shrieking in fear. Once they gained their senses back, they didn’t want me anywhere near their food. They were calling out for Dad, who was still in office, and so were on their own. How I rejoice the moment of that out of the blue discovery. Now I know what the teacher meant when she said, “Ofcourse they know how to eat on their own.”

So I tried it another time to see if works or was is one time luck. But it does and I couldn’t be more proud of myself. Now dad wants a Men Face Pack too. How about that?

Embarrassing is an Understatement when you have Pink eye in a Wedding

Whenever my skin comes to know that there is a holiday trip planned and there will be some photo clicking, it gets super excited and becomes a ‘chaand ka tukda’ with surface similar to moon surface complete with highlands and lowlands. But this doesn’t demoralize me anymore, I will still be cursing and using the F word. Why? Not because I have learnt the art of Photoshop editing but because I have seen worse. It is like god wants to put a ‘kala tikka’ on my face to keep me safe from all the bad eye J

By worse, I mean they are like worst-nightmare-come-true experience. So we went to attend a wedding, from my husband’s side. You know how marriages are more like Fashion show where all attendees are participants and here models and designers never forget a fashion faux pas committed. So we just landed and my eyes started to get a little itchy and watery. I tried to ignore for the first couple of hours, thinking the over usage of shampoo, might have caused the irritation. But later, after a brief nap, my eyes refused to open and that’s when it dawned on all the relatives more than on me, that I might have eye conjunctivitis or red eye. So went to see a local doctor in a new city, dressed in my latest saree and matching new chandelier earrings. While was patiently waiting for the doctor and touching up on my lipstick, others co-patients were wondering I was there to marry the doctor or was going to ask for directions. The doctor confirmed to my horror and suggested wearing Dark colored goggles.

In his lifetime Mr husband for the first time bought me a pair of goggles without even my asking for it. Bit oversized, which according to him was on purpose so that no one had slightest clue whats under there. Like no one will notice when I dance in front of the dulha and wear it at night with my Zari sarree and adjust it while holding on to my designer clutch bag. So the next day at breakfast, everyone was sympathetic, and laughing with mouth covered and only when I turned away from them. Afternoon, everyone was in splits and rolling on the floor. And evening, Aunties were asking me if I am a recent foreign returned. I just wanted to go home, take away my goggles and sleep. There are so many relatives I will forever haunt in their dreams with my pair of glasses and zari saree.

There is another incident that has forever dented my memory. I was a lecturer in a undergrad science college, once upon a time. I was fresh out of college and teaching college kids, so pretty obvious, nobody gave my lectures a damn. But for me it was more of an ego boost as every otherday someone, either at the Teacher's Parking lot or Library or Canteen would stop me, saying Only for Teacher and I would say "I might look underage but am a Lecturer here", just like Santoor Saindal Soap Ad. So one day, while delivering a lecture, a peon came in and said that my father had come to meet me and was waiting in the Teachers Room. I got really worried, because until now my family had never visited me in college, so must be an emergency. I practically ran down to the Teachers room, huffing and puffing, and there my father was standing with a flask in one hand and a box in another. He said in front of all professors, associate professors, and other fellow lecturers, that I had forgot to have MILK in the morning. My father had challenged me, that if I went out without having breakfast, I should face the consequence. And there he was holding Bournvita Milk in one hand and Cookies in the box. I am grateful, it all ended with a good laugh in the Teachers room for a few days, and didn’t leak out among the students. See the Glass is half full not Half Empty. 

Another time, when I was giving interviews again for a job change, I was kind of practicing the geeky look, bushy eyebrows and bird's nest hair. It dawned on me on the same as my big interview that I have to look presentable. So I went for a threading just on my way to the interview, to make it easier for the interviewer to concentrate on my answers instead of wondering whether I am girl or a boy with all the facial hair. And 15 min later, the next thing I am wondering about is whether to beg the interviewer to reschedule or to buy a burqa? My face had red spots all over as the beautician (the name is so ironic), was a newbie and given I have delicate skin, the inexperienced hands did their magic. Guess what, I cleared the test, because the interviewer felt really bad, that poor thing is in dire need of job and came to interview even when had chicken pox. 

There are so many more such incidents and even more embarrassing ones that I can’t even share here. A pimple or two don’t stain my image any more or atleast that’s what I want my mind to believe and keep repeating to myself.